Sharing Circle: Fear


XamAM: I would like to propose a reflection so we may strip back ourselves a little bit in this question. Would fear be a way of protection against exposure, a way of hiding oneself from the inner truth? Would He be listening to our true face?

Seeker 1: Many times comes the feeling, here inside my chest to say something, but I feel locked. I think that if I speak I will lose the love, I know I must speak, but I know nothing. I get so excited when I see someone with the courage to say that they disagree with something. I admire those who speak directly about that which goes against your inner truth. However, I can't. My heart beats fast and nothing comes out.

XamAM: You have to discover who or what images occupy your imagination in these moments and that stop you from expressing yourself. Which phantoms occupy your mind in these moments? Who stopped you from saying what you believed? Who told you to shut up, be quiet and then you won't hurt yourself. These are the phantoms that trap you and stop you from flying.

Seeker 1: Yes, it's true. If I think about it I see myself as little, still a child, having to keep silent.

Seeker 2: But why do we keep these memories? I have done so many therapeutic work, so many rituals and I continue to be trapped by these phantoms. I still see myself scared of losing, of not being welcomed in places I love to be, of people not wanting me well, I am like that, fearful.

Seeker 3: Yes, it seems like it's all imprinted in the body. What can we do to change?

XamAM: To change means to renounce this cursed place that was so hardly concurred, to silence when actually the desire is to speak. I means the imperious necessity to constantly use all the tools we have in our hands,  that we acquired over our years of emotional and spiritual labour. Our tools are the prayers, the meditations, the bonfires, walking in the woods, breathing, the songs, the Purification Lodge, the silence... we have many tools. Shamans are considered competent when they know how to use their tools with skill. The spiritual path is a long and profound school. We learn and right after we are tested by life. Do we really know how to use our tools, what we have learned?

Seeker 4: But daily life makes us forget...

XamAM: Yes, however you forget because you are not using the tools.

Seeker 1: It's true, it has been like that in my life, I am very afraid of speaking, because when I was little my mother told me to shut up, to forget about it, so in order not to create conflict I would silence myself. I continued like that, not knowing how to express myself. Mute, clogged, I developed many symptoms: thyroid, pain in the jaws... only now after many years of work, many rituals, I am able to speak, I feel I am starting to speak, to express my voice in the world. My heart beats fast when I have to speak, but I am doing it.